my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
