u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
