Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
