I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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