Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
