you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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