I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
