dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
