If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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