I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
