Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
