you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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