he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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