:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
