Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
