I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
