How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
