also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize