she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
