There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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