Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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