Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
