I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
