Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
