Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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