At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
