My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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