I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
