Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry dylan_is_a_beast hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(813): View more from Florida

you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?

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(847): View more from Illinois

Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.

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(909): View more from California

so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.

(1-909): View more from California

I worship thee.

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(407): View more from Florida

I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.

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(971): View more from Oregon

I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.

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(509): View more from Washington

I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?

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(248): View more from Michigan

Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"

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(647): View more from Ontario

THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING

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