i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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