He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
