2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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