Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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