Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
