I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
