I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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