you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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