He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
