Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
