jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
