I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
