Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
