I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
