Sry I called you an 8
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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