i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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