I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
