Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
