Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
