i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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