its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
