So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
