the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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