i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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