I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
