Nicole vs. Life
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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