I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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