did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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