He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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