There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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