I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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