o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
