I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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