I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
