My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Im part way to drunk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
