forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
