I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
