she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I supernannyed him into submission
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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