I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
