Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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