My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
