After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
