this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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